An Addict.

She was addicted to the thought process which leads a person to constantly overthink every situation and criticise it to its finest bits. The worst part was she destroyed everything herself by scrutinising the details to the finest and nobody could understand why she did that.

Everybody around her thought she was the trouble maker but little did they know about her mental state because it was all in her head and nobody ever bothered to delve that deep.

Addicted to the thought process, she over analysed every aspect of every word and every circumstance ever thrown at her. A simple "Okay" could be deciphered in so many different ways by her that a common person might label her mad. A gesture like a mere nod was deprecating for her because she thought people nodded only when they did not want to talk. Maybe they thought she was bad company? She definitely shouldn't have said that. Were they angry at her? Or did they just hate her?

This habit led to her overthinking about her body, her confidence, her appearance, her attitude. It made her tear herself to the tiniest bit to fix everything she 'thought' was not upto the standards of the words that the society, often too lazily, threw at her. She sabotaged herself and her well-being to the level she wasn't paying attention to her body and her mind anymore but only what the people around her wanted. She became a people pleaser, not because she wanted to, but because she was addicted.

She could not bear to look at herself. With every glance, she thought she was letting the expectations of everyone down. She had given into the common comments made by people who said that she looked hideous. She needed more curves and that she was built like a boy and would never fit in with the girls. Just like that, she started hating her body, hating herself.

The thought process led to her overthinking about her health, her mental state, her sanity. It made her question herself about every little move she made, every small step she took. She criticised herself for all her actions, never allowing her true potential to peak, never allowing her goals to be reached. She was the barrier, or rather her thoughts were what hindered her from success and from being carefree and wild.

Always so calm and collected, but a thundering, chaotic storm of thoughts continuously roared in her head. She wished so hard that her mind had a switch which could simply turn this tumult off. She could just live her life freely for once, without caring what others thought, what the society expected and how people wanted her to be.

She held her head in her hands, strands of black hair curtaining her face so no one could see her blood-shot eyes. She felt like she was living in a prison. A prison of expectations and hopelessness. She avoided the eyes of other people so they could not read into her mind. She wished it could all stop. She wished to live on her own terms. But she only wished.

This unhealthy thought process tore her down, bit by bit. It scavenged at the pieces of her flesh until she could not feel anymore, until she became numb to it. She had no life and her thoughts weren't her own anymore. While breeding people's expectations inside her, she was barely in control of herself. She was another victim of the thought process that provoked a person to question themselves till the point it became abusive and inflicting.

It became a habit for her.  An addiction.